when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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