Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
