Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
