I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
