There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
