Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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