what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
