i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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