So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
