I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
