What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im holly from the hills drunk
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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