Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I lost the right to judge tonight
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
