I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
