it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
