she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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