I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
