Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
