I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
