My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Randomize
