Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
