Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
