what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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