dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And then my night got REAL pukey
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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