my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
