I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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