Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
