Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
