first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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