I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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