3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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