Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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