My sheets look like a crime scene.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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