Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
