dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
