meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
