i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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