honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
