i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
