You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
