this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
