go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
