It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
