your room smells of hookers.
And success
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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