I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Come on in and take your pants off
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