...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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