Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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