How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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