margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize