So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
