the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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