I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
