Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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