it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
