wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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