I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
