my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
