Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
