Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
