Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
