I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
