If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
