Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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