there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
