It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize