My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
