remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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