so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
